


Why Harley Quinn Loves Unicorn Food

by Ysabetwordsmith



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Beverages, Car Chases, Do Not Read With Mouth Full, Fluff, Food, Gen, Humor, Robbery, Snacks & Snack Food, do not copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28767672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: Harley Quinn is like unicorn food: brightly colored, sweet with a bitter aftertaste, and very very bad for you.  She loves the stuff -- and has some creative uses for it.
Relationships: Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	Why Harley Quinn Loves Unicorn Food

**Author's Note:**

> Now with [gorgeous cover art](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28802112) by [Isabellerecs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabellerecs/pseuds/Covers%20by%20Isabelle)! \o/
> 
> While participating in the [Snowflake Challenge](https://snowflake-challenge.dreamwidth.org/), I saw [a post](https://shipperslist.dreamwidth.org/156943.html) by [Shipperslist](https://shipperslist.dreamwidth.org) that asked, "If your favorite characters were desserts or baked goods, what would they be?" That led to [a conversation](https://shipperslist.dreamwidth.org/156943.html?thread=236559#cmt236559) with [Rhoda_rants](https://rhoda-rants.dreamwidth.org/) and [Shipperslist](https://shipperslist.dreamwidth.org) about Harley Quinn, which inspired a comic strip. I can't draw, so I simply scripted the thing instead. If anyone wants to draw it out, please go ahead, and send me a link so I can connect that with this. It also fills the "Expect the Unexpected" square in [my 1-3-21 card](https://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/12797897.html) for the Fresh Starts Bingo fest.

**[Panel 1]**

_Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy run out of a building, both carrying money bags and jewelry_.

Harley: "Whee! That was fun!"

Ivy: "Hurry up and get in the car."

**[Panel 2]**

_Ivy is driving the getaway car with Harley in the passenger seat_.

Harley: "Stop the car! Stop the car!"

Ivy: "Are you NUTS?"

**[Panel 3]**

Harley: "Emergency resupply!"

Ivy: "Fiiiiiine."

 _Ivy stops the car_.

**[Panel 4]**

_Harley robs a Starbucks_.

Harley: "Now gimmie the goods or DIE!"

**[Panel 5]**

_Harley dives back into the getaway car. She has a pink-and-blue drink, a green drink, and multicolored cupcakes with sprinkles and pearly unicorn horns on top_.

Harley: "One Unicorn Frappuccino for me, one Matcha Green Tea Latte for you, and some cupcakes to share."

**[Panel 6]**

Car back in motion, Harley hands Ivy a cupcake with several inches of yellow-and-green swirled icing on top. Harley's cupcake is pink and blue, but she has a blue and purple one left over.

Ivy: "Why are there THREE cupcakes?"

**[Panel 7]**

_As the Batmobile appears in their rearview mirror, Harley reaches out her window to throw the extra cupcake like a grenade_. 

Harley: "That's why, Ives! Step on it!"

**[Panel 8]**

The Batmobile windshield is almost entirely obscured by icing, sprinkles, and cupcake remains. It looks like the world's biggest bugsplat.

Batman: "Grrr ..."

**[Panel 9]**

_In the Bat Cave, Batman leans over the Batmobile, trying to scrub broad multicolored smears of icing and sprinkles off the windshield_.

Narration box: Two hours later ...

Batman: "Who knew ICING could be so difficult to remove?"

**[Panel 10]**

_Alfred offers a tray with more cans of cleaner and a half-empty, trailing roll of paper towels_.

Alfred: "If you had ever seen what such colorful concoctions can do to human innards, sir, you would not be asking that question."

**Author's Note:**

> [Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino](https://stories.starbucks.com/stories/2017/starbucks-unicorn-frappuccino/) is among the more famous examples of "[unicorn food](https://www.kiwireport.com/unicorn-food-hit/)," which is swirled in bright colors and topped with ridiculous decorations. There are [text](https://www.mashed.com/62972/how-to-make-unicorn-frappuccino/) and [video](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2017/04/151562/starbucks-unicorn-frappuccino-recipe) recipes for copycat versions.
> 
> [Starbucks Matcha Green Tea Latte](https://www.sweetsteep.com/starbucks-green-tea-matcha-guide/) can also be [made at home](https://www.oola.com/life-in-flavor/2426092/how-to-make-a-matcha-tea-latte/).
> 
> [Unicorn Cupcakes](https://www.momdoesreviews.com/2020/11/28/tie-dye-unicorn-cupcakes/) typically feature a thick swirl of icing with 2+ colors, edible glitter and/or candy sprinkles, and sometimes a horn made of sugar, marzipan, modeling chocolate, or wax.
> 
> [Unicorn food](https://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/unicorn-food-instagram-trend-starbucks-frappuccino-superfoods) can be [all-natural](https://theinspiredhome.com/articles/9-healthy-unicorn-food-recipes) with [superfoods](https://www.unicornsuperfoods.com/collections/superfood-collection) as originally intended, but has more often turned into a [chemical stew](https://www.buzzfeed.com/jesseszewczyk/its-official-hipsters-have-taken-rainbow-food-too-fucking) of [food coloring](https://www.unicornsuperfoods.com/blogs/news/reasons-to-never-consume-foods-with-artificial-colorings), [candy sprinkles](https://soyummy.com/video-shows-ingredients-inside-sprinkles/), [sugar cereal](https://www.eatthis.com/worst-breakfast-cereals/), and other questionable ingredients. Here are [some examples](https://njmom.com/restaurants/step-aside-starbucks-unicorn-frapp-check-25-unicorn-treats-nj/).
> 
> Why is the cupcake splatter so difficult to remove? It's just soft enough to spread everywhere upon impact, leaving a gritty film. It consists primarily of sugar and fat. Once dried -- which happens very quickly at chase speed -- sugar becomes extremely difficult to remove. You either need [strong cleaners](https://dengarden.com/cleaning/Get-It-Off-Me-Remove-Sap-Glue-and-Sticky-Goo), or [hot water](https://adequateman.deadspin.com/how-to-conquer-sticky-spills-with-patience-or-none-at-1680124454), and a lot of determination. [Fat is also clingy](https://www.21oak.com/hacks-how-tos/best-ways-remove-grease-kitchen-surfaces-cabinets-countertops-marble-granite/), and requires a different type of solvent because (unlike sugar) it won't dissolve in water. So it's a giant pain in the ass to remove dried-on cupcake guts without resorting to things that might scratch the glass.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Cover] Why Harley Quinn Loves Unicorn Food](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28802112) by [Covers by Isabelle (isabellerecs)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabellerecs/pseuds/Covers%20by%20Isabelle)




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